Monday’s Child is Fair of Face

If you follow astrology and moon energy, you may already know that 2015 is calling us all to step into our Divine Feminine Energy. To take a break from the strive and struggle of 2014 and to simply allow the flow of free, soft and creative energy to be our guiding mode of operation.

I’ve been fortunate enough with a glorious mix of synchronicities and signs that have lead me to begin to understand how my feminine energy has been squandered and silenced for quite some time and my eyes are opening up to how this has played out in my life and my relationships.

Firstly, I attended Susana Frioni’s #lovesexdesire intimate evening  a few weeks ago.  I have always been called to be in the presence of this wonderful woman whenever she offers it.  After all, I hold her partly responsible for helping me break free from a life that was killing me.

It just so happens that I had put my marriage high up on my list of things to

re-connect with – re-callibrate, renovate, and rejuvenate 

in 2015, so when Susana announced an intimate evening discussing all thing Love Sex and Desire in respect of relationships and partnerships, you couldn’t keep me away.

Amongst many other takeaways I got from the evening, the recommendation of a book “The Queen’s Code” by Alison Armstrong, is currently simultaneously blowing my mind, soothing my heart and changing forever the way I view my husband, my two sons and myself. A new way of “seeing” why men do what they do  – and how women react to what men do. As I get deeper into this book I can feel the fear and resistance slowly bubbling up –

 a sure sign that there is such goodness in there and just what I need to hear (and embrace).

The next not so little synchronicity that came to visit involved the healing of an old hurt I had no idea of the pain I was holding onto.  I wrote last week about Digging Deep and as I mentioned creating a little space – getting still and allowing whatever needs to rise to the surface to make it’s way into the light.

I began an art class at the beginning of this year called Life Book 2015 by Tamara LaPorte and suffice to say I am learning so much about myself (and as an added bonus, I’m improving my creative techniques too).  The first main lesson was to paint your “Beacon of Light” a guiding being that would lovingly support you throughout the year on your journey.  Beautiful really – and such a marvellous way to get into the subject you are painting and infuse it with meaning and love (my favourite all-time mode of creation).  What was revealed to me though was a message from my soul –

 in fact a message from my unborn child.

Like a lot of women, I suffered with fertility problems for many years before being able to conceive.  And like many women too I suffered loss. Loss of hope, loss of control, and ultimately loss of life and love.  The devastation of miscarriage burned a scar deep into my heart.  But as I was prone to do, I got on with things, life was beckoning and there were many many opportunities to get busy and bury that scar.  We continued on our conception and pregnancy path and were rewarded with 2 healthy happy boys.  We planted the most beautiful Magnolia tree in our back yard in remembrance of our unborn child and though it blooms constantly with the most pure white, perfect fragrant flowers, I continued on my busy life as the mum of 2 and all that goes along with it.

Fast forward a little over 8 years, and despite sifting and sorting through all of the layers in the past 2 years, I never came across the scar, the hurt or the loss and the pain. I deemed myself “over it.”

Getting still though, through painting, allowed the face of a small girl to appear on my page.  A cherubic face with my eyes.  And when it came time to place her golden heart on her chest, I was compelled to use a double heart.  And then I knew – it was her heart and mine – together.  And in an instant I knew who she was – My Liliana who would have turned 8 this year.  Next to flood my heart was a great sense of pain and loss and tears – so many tears previously unshed. And my own voice came back to me when on the birth of my second son “I always wanted sons – I am happy with boys”. And I did and I am.  But here is a little girl who still lives in my soul – who can teach me to view the world through soft feminine eyes, to embrace compassion and gentleness, a new approach.  

Do you have someone in your life that can help you discover your divine feminine energy? Do you have daughters/sisters/friends/mothers who to you embody this free, soft energy?  I’d love to hear in the comments your thoughts and ideas  – as always I find them an inspiration.