Save the Best till Last

So last week I sat down to write what would be my last post for 2014 and I had intended for it to be sharing the lessons I learnt in 2014.  But something felt a bit off.  It felt a little “preachy” and as I read through all my posts for the year I was struck with the realisation that I am still continually learning these lessons. None of them are mastered – and that is ok – because this is life.

It seems though, that the Universe had one more lesson to deal up to me this year – and it is a doozy!  She’s saved the best for last.

I had been pondering the sense of overwhelm, overcommitment, and over extending myself leading up to this busy time of year. In fact I wrote my last post about course correction and making sure I didn’t stay in auto-pilot mode to ensure I could be kind to myself. Well I didn’t take my own advice very well and ended up burning my candle not only at both ends but the middle too. I put some pretty big demands on myself and disguised them as my “duty” as a mum, a wife, a student, a fledgling business owner, a friend and a daughter. 

This was not a new concept for me. Prior to transforming my life, I was constantly drunk on responsibility, duty, pleasing others, and “holding the fort”.  It is what I built my concept of self worth upon – very shaky unstable ground that led to severe disease and illness and ultimately a chance to change everything. I even spent the past year and a half – staying as sober as possible – doing very little that added any pressure or stress – and of course doing mostly those things that nourished my starving soul.

Turns out my soul is doing well – and even has a strong concept of purpose (although not clearly laid out yet to the conscious me).  However, my poor body has been neglected. I have dabbled in green smoothies, yoga, movement, dry body brushing, organic skin care, massages, gluten avoidance – but all just in passing. She has stood by me through some horrid treatment that saw her cry out for attention in the form of cancer.  She went through pregnancy and childbirth and breast feeding twice.  She has my back so to speak.

But this time around it only took 2 weeks of pushing her to her limits (as opposed to at least 3 years) for her to fight back. In the best possible way – through making me vulnerable. Causing me to be sick in public – to rely on others – strangers, to stop me in my tracks and send me off to hospital connected to drips and machines – to render my body with enough excruciating pain not to kill me but to get me to listen.

And her message this time – so clear – so simple – so much answered from the past and for the present and future –



I am the gate keeper of your life purpose. When you stray from the path of your truth I will let you know clearly.  And now that you know you cannot un-know. Mistreating your body is the ultimate form of playing small. For to do great things, to be the best version of you – you need to be fully alive.

And in her clever and insightful way, as I see the end of 2014 out with a bad cold as my immunity system is still recovering, and I am left feeling a little like a lover caught cheating, my darling body has left this message ringing in my ears.  It is on my mind every morning as I come in consciousness and at night as I lay my tired body down, so that it is undeniably the first, main and only item for the agenda of what 2015 holds for me. Live your truth by loving your body first – for she is the gatekeeper of your life purpose.