It’s only a recent thing for me – spending the majority of my time with myself. Not since the late nineties when I moved alone to the Gold Coast for a job, and lived by myself have I spent so much time in my own company. This time around though I have exchanged the distraction of my job and after work drinks and socialising with the nitty gritty of raising 2 kids and running a household. What I am discovering though – like everyone, I have a rhythm to my life – peaks and valleys. Days where I feel flat and uninspired and Days where I want to jump for joy and the ideas come flooding in at a rate of knots.
Now that I have created some space in my life for myself, I am getting in touch with this cycle, learning to ease up on my commitments to others during the valleys and amping up the self commitment so I am rested and ready to hit the ground running as I near the peaks. One little gem of discovery though which I would love to share with you solidified itself in my mind just yesterday – landed on that special spot on my soul that had my heart whispering “there’s something in this – a gift for you”.
To tell you the truth though, for a weeks now these pieces of the puzzle had been floating around in near proximity to each other, slowly rotating and shifting to come into “almost” alignment. In fact as I came out of my last valley, I began having several conversations with several different sisters of mine – some initiated by me and others by them that has me seeing the bigger picture. The first one a conversation with a girlfriend about hormones and mood swings – her simple question to me – “Bloody hormones! Do we just make mountains out of molehills at this time of month or does genuinely more annoying shit happen to you then?” More discussions about purpose in life, trying to explain to friends or strangers what exactly you do, past mistakes and working through and dealing with your own Shit.
But then I stumbled across this Brene Brown quote last night on Instagram.
Wired for Struggle – that one hit the spot – in the valley – we are wired for struggle. And just like that my sense of struggle – that tension in my chest – loosened. All of a sudden the pieces of puzzle started interlocking. Those things that we do sub- or even “un”-consciously even during peak times can feed into that struggle we are wired for during the valleys. The valley is a time of depletion – less energy, less motivation and if we’ve allowed some unnecessary gunk in during the peak times, no light will find it’s way into the valley. The ego can take over and it feels as though “genuinely more annoying shit” is happening at this time.
I had identified the struggle part of the valley I knew that I was struggling – and there I was “struggling” with it.
Fighting against the depletion can only further deplete your resources.
Don’t struggle with the struggle.
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Just like trying to remove a tight ring from a swollen finger – if you keep struggling with it – it will only swell more. Relax – let the swelling go down – and then use some form of help (i.e. soap or oil).
And now I’ve released my grip on the struggle, I am conserving my energy as best I can. I have identified a few areas that I can work on to clear some gunk once I get out of the valley and head towards the peak – there’s going to be a bit of a celebration at the summit where I can toss some of the shit off the edge. And until I emerge from the valley – I’m going to take my own advice from one of my previous posts Staying the Course.
I’d love to hear from you below in the comments – if you find yourself struggling with the struggle. Can you identify any of the gunk that you can throw off the edge of the peak when you reach the summit? I’ll reveal some of that gunk next post as I head towards the top and get ready to toss it!
